So I'm writing this I think mostly for myself, but I'd thought I'd share with y'all since it was a big part of my life.
About 3 months ago I wasn't feeling so well and I had this nagging thought that I didn't think could be real. My mom took me to the store and we bought... a pregnancy test! I immediately came home and went to the bathroom and had to tell my mom that I was pregnant! I started to get a little freaked out since Allison was only 5 months and it was a little soon, but then I was also super excited because they would be really good friends when they got older (or so I hoped). My mom and I went shopping to find Allison a "Big Sister" t-shirt (which was impossible to find in her size!) and we came home and put it on her to show Chris. He was like, "Oh, that's a nice shirt." And didn't seem to get super excited/scared like I was! We finally kept talking it out and turns out he was extremely happy, but really scared from the financial aspect of it!
Well of course that night I couldn't sleep at all. I kept thinking about what people would think or how I'm going to arrange the nursery or having to buy a new car (because it's a tight squeeze with just the one car seat)! So I woke up early that morning and just stared at Allison through the video monitor thinking about how much her life was going to change. So that night Chris and I were planning on going on a date night since my mom was there to babysit so we went to dinner and got to really talk about everything. It put me at ease by saying that everything was going to be fine and would work out and that we were both really excited because we do want a big family and who cares what anyone says!
2 nights later (Monday night) I was getting ready for bed and went to the bathroom and noticed a little speck of blood on the paper. I, of course, started to be concerned and read every article I could about blood and pregnancy and how only 60% of the time ends up in miscarriage. So of course, I couldn't sleep that night either and woke up really early to go to the bathroom to see if anything had changed. Well it had. It was like I had just started my period so I was freaking out. I knew I didn't need to go to the emergency room because I wasn't that far along and there was nothing they could do. So I called the after-hours nurse and she told me that I would have to come in later that day for some blood tests. So I got myself and Allison ready and we went to get blood drawn. It was the worst 24 hours because I knew what the results were going to say, but I still needed to hear it from the nurse so that I could stop thinking outrageous thoughts about still being pregnant. The next day (Wednesday) I had to get out of the house to distract myself so Allison and I went shopping. We were about to go home and I finally got the call. The nurse said that the results said that I had indeed had a miscarriage and that I needed to come back in a couple of days to get more blood drawn until no more HgC hormones were detectible. So I went back to get more blood drawn on Thursday and got the call on Friday that there were no more HgC hormones detected.
That week and the one following were two of the hardest I've ever dealt with. I kept telling myself that there was no reason for me to be upset since I was only pregnant for 3 days, but in the first 24 hours everything changed! I turned to food, like I normally do, and Allison! She was my little rock! We spent many hours cuddling and napping together. I ended up gaining 7 pounds (which isn't as bad as I thought) but learning that I really wanted a baby! I wanted Allison to be a big sister and have a best friend growing up! I woke up one morning and everything was back to normal. I told myself to get my life back to normal and it was. I loved my husband and baby more than I ever had and enjoyed spending every minute with them!
Well one month later I had that same nagging feeling. I was getting sick (nauseous) every day and feeling more exhausted each day. We went to the grocery store and I picked up another test and came home and it was positive! It was the weirdest feeling, I wasn't super excited but like, "Well yeah of course I'm pregnant." Chris seemed to feel the same way. I called the doctor the next morning and I had to come back in for labs to see how far along I was. So, I did that and the next day got the results that everything was looking good but that they wanted me to come back to make sure the levels were going up. So I went back later that week and got more blood drawn and the next day found out that everything was looking great! I went back the next week for more tests and then finally, 2 weeks later, got to have an ultrasound and see my baby! I was dated at only 6 weeks pregnant, but we did get to see our "smaller than a grain of rice baby" or "embryo" as they called it!
I am now 9 weeks pregnant and our official due date is Jan 1, 2013 (yep, 2 days before my birthday... boo)! We go back to the doctor on June 20 which will put us at our 12 week mark and that's probably when I'll go "public" with it... meaning Facebook! It has been really hard not to post anything, especially since I've been extremely sick this time, but soon enough I'll be able to talk all about it! So, please try to keep it private, feel free to text, message, or call... but no posting!
Thanks y'all!
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