9 Years

I didn't realize that it has been 9 years since my grandma died. It seems like just yesterday we were baking brownies together at her house. As most of you know, the reason Allison's middle name is June is because of my grandma! She was the sweetest, happiest, most Godly woman I've ever known. She would always look forward to those surprise visits to her house on any given night of the week and taught me that a Big Buford from Rally's really is the greatest burger out there... especially with some yummy fries! She was always there for me when I was really sick, gave me my favorite stuffed animal, Brannon, when I had my knee surgery and was there for me when I had my wisdom teeth out and my mom had to go to the store to buy me some popsicles.

Sunday at church we were talking about the September 11 events and about how precious life is and how short it is too. Only with God can we feel safe and secure knowing that whatever comes our way, He is there for us. We also participated in communion and during my quiet time, the only thing I could think about is will Allison ever see me like I saw my grandma? I know I go to church and try not to curse or do "bad" things, but that's not the same thing as being a Godly woman and being able to see God through myself. I believe that I will be a good parent, not let her get into stuff that's going to harm her, not let her watch tv all day and night, and not let her eat whatever she wants. But will I be able to raise her in a way that God would approve? I'm sure we will have out disappointments, but I really hope that I will do a semi-good job.

Last week I had a dream that I was driving and my grandma was there with me. She saw that I was pregnant and I told her I was naming AJ after her. We then chit-chatted for a bit (not sure what was said) and we got to our destination where Chris was. I told her I wanted to introduce her to Chris and she said, "It's ok, I already know all about him and I love him." I then knew it was time for her to go or for me to wake up and I wanted to ask her what heaven was like but I didn't feel like I could. It felt like she wasn't really gone. I don't know why I enjoyed this dream so much... It felt so real and I was so happy that she liked Chris.

I can't wait to see you again. I love you so much Grandma!